WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK YOU ARE, A PAIR OF QUEENS?
WELL, I'M KING AROUND HERE, SO DON'T FORGET IT!
(Hilda and Betty scream)
OH, MY GOSH! I'M SORRY. ARE YOU GUYS OKAY?
OH!
THAT WAS SO GREAT!
OH, JUSTIN! YOUR STANLEY IS PERFECT. OH!
BETTY, I'M NOT SURE.
YOU MAY HAVE PUT THE "BLAH" IN BLANCHE.
WELL, YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY PUT THE "STELLAR" IN STELLA. OOH, MEAN!
(gasps) YOU ARE SO GETTING INTO LENA KORVAVINKY'S CLASS!
I CAN FEEL IT.
IT'S LENA KORVINKA. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT?
SHE IS ONLY THE MOST FAMOUS LIVING ACTRESS OF OUR TIME.
I THINK IT IS SO COOL THAT YOU GET TO AUDITION FOR HER.
HER CLASSES ARE LEGENDARY. I KNOW!
SHE'S PROBABLY SEEN IT ALL.
I WONDER IF "A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE"
IS A LITTLE TOO OBVIOUS.
I MAY NEED TO RETHINK THIS. (sighs)
I'M SO NERVOUS FOR HIM. I HOPE HE GETS THIS.
I KNOW. HIGH SCHOOL HASN'T EXACTLY BEEN A PICNIC FOR HIM.
MM. THAT'S WHY BOBBY AND I ARE GONNA WAIT
UNTIL THIS WHOLE THING IS OVER UNTIL WE TELL HIM ABOUT...
(whispers) THE BABY. (whispers) WAIT. YOU GUYS ARE GONNA TELL HIM TOGETHER?
(normal voice) THAT SOUNDS PROMISING. (normal voice) I KNOW! (giggles)
OKAY, I'M READY TO GO. MM.
WAIT. WAIT, YOU GUYS ARE LEAVING ALREADY?
I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE YOU COULD STAY, HANG OUT,
AND WE COULD HAVE DINNER OR SOMETHING.
OH, I'M SORRY. I MADE DINNER PLANS WITH BOBBY.
YEAH. AND I HAVE TO DECIDE ON MY COMEDIC MONOLOGUE.
IT'S BETWEEN MOLIèRE
AND ONE OF BRAD'S BREAKDOWNS FROM "THE RACHEL ZOE PROJECT."
WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD 'CAUSE I MADE TOO MUCH PASTA,
AND I WAS HOPING YOU GUYS WOULD HELP ME EAT THE LEFTOVERS.
SORRY, A.B. ALL RIGHT.
WELL, I GUESS I'M JUST USED TO MAKING ENOUGH FOR ME AND MATT.
AW, YOU WANT ME TO CANCEL? I'LL CALL BOBBY.
NO, NO. COME ON, DON'T BE SILLY. GO!
IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE NOTHING TO DO.
(man) IT'S GONNA BE ANOTHER COLD ONE TOMORROW,
SO BUNDLE UP AND WATCH OUT FOR THE ICE.
IN OTHER NEWS, A WOMAN IN MIDTOWN WAS FOUND DEAD
IN HER APARTMENT YESTERDAY AFTER ALMOST A MONTH. OH!
SOURCES SAY THAT THOUGH THE WOMAN LIVED IN THE BUILDING
FOR 12 YEARS, NONE OF HER MORE THAN 50 NEIGHBORS
REALLY KNEW HER OR NOTICED HER ABSENCE. AW.
I SAW HER THROUGH THE WINDOW ONCE,
EATING HER PASTA ALONE. LOOKED LIKE SHE MADE TOO MUCH.
(man) HOW SAD.
I GUESS THE OLD SAYING IS TRUE--
YOU REALLY CAN BE ALONE IN A CROWD.
(Betty gasps)
HEY, GUYS! I WAS JUST THINKING, WOULDN'T IT BE FUN
IF THE THREE OF US WALKED TO WORK TOGETHER SOMEDAY?
I MEAN, SEEING AS WE DO LIVE
ACROSS THE HALL FROM EACH OTHER AND EVERYTHING. WE LIVE ACROSS THE HALL FROM EACH OTHER?
YEAH. WHEN I SAY, "DON'T GO IN THE HALL. IT'S THERE,"
THAT'S WHAT I MEAN. (Marc and Amanda laugh)
OKAY, SO WE'RE DOING THE MEAN THING.
I JUST THINK THAT IT'S WEIRD
THAT I DON'T KNOW ANYONE ELSE IN THE BUILDING.
I MEAN, DO EITHER ONE OF YOU EVER TALK TO ANYBODY ELSE? NOT DIRECTLY, BUT WE DO LEAVE NASTY NOTES
ON THE BULLETIN BOARD DOWNSTAIRS FOR SOME OF THEM. SYNONYMOUSLY, OF COURSE.
SEE, HERE'S THE PROBLEM WITH LIVING IN AN APARTMENT COMPLEX.
PEOPLE COME HOME, THEY CLOSE THEIR DOORS, THEY SHUT OUT
THE REST OF THE WORLD, AND NO ONE TAKES ANY TIME
TO EVEN GET TO KNOW THEIR NEIGHBORS. YOU SHOULD REALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT, BETTY.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GOING TO. SHE'S A REAL GO-GETTER, ISN'T SHE?
IF ONLY SHE'D APPLY SOME OF THAT PLUCK TO HER CHIN HAIR.
(both laugh)
SEE YOU LATER. GOOD ONE.
THANK YOU.
OH, AND COULD YOU ALSO MAKE UP SOME MORE MEDIA KITS
WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE?
I'M GONNA NEED MARC FOR THE REST OF THE DAY
TO HELP ORGANIZE THE WILD VEST SHOOT. MARC.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WAIT A SECOND. I CAN'T SPARE MARC TODAY.
DANIEL, I AM WORKING
AS BOTH EDITOR-IN-CHIEF AND CREATIVE DIRECTOR.
UNTIL WE HIRE A SENIOR FASHION EDITOR,
I HAVE TO HAVE MARC AVAILABLE TO ME. MARC.
MARC. STAY. LOOK, I'M SORRY YOU'RE SO OVERWHELMED,
BUT I NEED HIM, TOO. TO WHAT, SCHEDULE YOUR NAPS?
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OUT OF YOU.
I'VE BEEN MORE THAN KIND IN SHARING MARC WITH YOU
OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS, BUT THAT'S IT.
HE IS OFF-LIMITS TO YOU.
WHAT? YOU CAN'T CUT ME OFF FROM MY OWN ASSISTANT.
HE'S NOT YOUR ASSISTANT ANYMORE. HE'S MINE.
LET ME GET ONE THING THROUGH THAT GIANT EGG HEAD OF YOURS.
I WILL GET MARC BACK. THIS IS NOT OVER.
(sighs)
HI! I'M BETTY.
I JUST MOVED BACK INTO THE BUILDING,
AND I WAS WONDERING IF MAYBE YOU-- NOT INTERESTED.
OKAY.
HI. WANNA COME TO A KARAOKE PARTY IN 5-G?
OH.
"I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN, 'O' MAGAZINE STEALER."
"STOP LETTING YOUR DOG PEE IN THE HALLWAY, JACKASS."
THAT'S NOT VERY NICE.
(knock on door)
(woman) HEY! HEY, COULD YOU LET US IN?
THANK YOU SO MUCH! THANK YOU SO MUCH.
WE WERE ABOUT TO FREEZE OUT THERE.
YEAH, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU WERE TURNING BLUE. OH, YEAH. (chuckles)
DO YOU GUYS LIVE IN THE BUILDING? WE'RE MOVING IN TODAY.
YEAH, IN ALL THE CRAZINESS, WE MANAGED TO LOCK OURSELVES OUT. OH! THAT'S AWFUL. OH, I'M BETTY, BY THE WAY.
HI. HEY. I'M GUS, AND--AND THAT'S VICKIE.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I JUST SO HAPPEN TO BE THROWING
A NEIGHBORLY KARAOKE PARTY IN MY APARTMENT TOMORROW NIGHT.
COME. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SING IF YOU DON'T WANT TO. MM.
I MEAN, I WILL, BUT... MY GOD, HOW NICE! THANK YOU!
YEAH! GREAT! SEE YOU TOMORROW. OKAY, BYE.
(Gus) ALL RIGHT, BYE. OKAY, BYE.
YAY!
I WANNA KILL MYSELF.
WILHELMINA AND DANIEL WILL NOT STOP FIGHTING OVER ME.
THIS MéNAGE à MOI HAS GOT TO STOP.
I HATE BEING IN THE MIDDLE.
I MEAN, UNLESS THERE'S A GYLLENHAAL INVOLVED.
OH, THIS TOTALLY REMINDS OF ME
OF WHEN I WAS 12 AND MY PARENTS SEPARATED.
I GOT SO GOOD AT MANIPULATING THEM.
THEY EVEN BOUGHT ME A CHIMP. I NAMED HIM RAINBOW. OHH, THAT'S SO CUTE.
BUT THEN I GOT BORED OF HIM AND LEFT HIM IN A CAB. NOT AS CUTE.
OH, I JUST CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS BICKERING.
AWW, YOU POOR LITTLE GAY-BEE.
YOU KNOW, AS THE CHILD OF AN ALMOST-BROKEN HOME,
I TOTALLY KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
(gasps)
I JUST GOT AN AMAZE-BALLS IDEA.
WHY DON'T YOU LET ME WORK SOME OF MY MANIPULATIVE MAGIC
ON MOMMY AND DADDY "MODE"?
UH...
ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? GO AHEAD.
BUT I CAN'T HEAR ABOUT ANYTHING OR BE INVOLVED IN ANY WAY.
BESIDES, I ALREADY HAVE MY OWN PLAN IN MOTION
FOR HOW TO GET MYSELF OUT OF THIS MESS. (whispers) WHAT IS IT?
IT'S TOP SECRET. (clears throat)
DON'T SCREW UP WHATEVER YOU'RE GONNA DO, OKAY?
(police radio chatter)
HI.
(man) DO YOU HAVE ANY... (speaks indistinctly)
EXCUSE ME. WHAT HAPPENED?
OUR BUILDING GOT BROKEN INTO.
A WHOLE BUNCH OF THE APARTMENTS WERE ROBBED.
(gasps) LOOK, THEY EVEN STOLE OUR PLANTER.
OH, NO! OH, YEAH. BUT A NEIGHBOR SAW WHAT WAS HAPPENING,
SO HE CALLED THE POLICE,
AND NOW THEY'RE SCANNING THROUGH SECURITY FOOTAGE
SO SEE IF THEY CAN FIND A POSITIVE I.D. OH, GOOD.
(man) THAT'S THEM!
THEY'RE THE ONES I SAW RUNNING OFF WITH OUR PLANTER.
HEY, WHO'S THE DINK LETTING 'EM IN?
(video playing without audio)
(woman) WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'RE THE DINK!
♪♪♪
I MEAN, HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THEY WERE BURGLARS?
OH, IT'S ALWAYS THE FRESH-FACED ONES
THAT GET YA. ALL I CAN SAY IS,
IT'S A GOOD THING THEY DIDN'T GET AS HIGH AS OUR FLOOR. THEY DID.
AMANDA DIDN'T TELL YOU? THEY STOLE HER SILVER BAG.
YOU MEAN THE SILVER BAG WITH THE HUGE GOLD SKULL
THAT'S EITHER HIDEOUS OR BRILLIANT? YEAH.
I TOLD HER I WOULD BUY HER A NEW ONE, BUT...
(laughs) HE RUNS SO FUNNY. I FEEL AWFUL. I JUST WISH THERE WAS A WAY
I COULD MAKE IT UP TO THE BUILDING.
ALL OF MY NEIGHBORS HATE ME NOW.
SOMEONE ACTUALLY WROTE THE WORD "DIE"
IN HUGE LETTERS ACROSS THE PARTY INVITATION I POSTED. OUCH.
YOU DO THE RED-LINING ON THESE SINCE YOU HAVE THE ASSISTANT.
(files smack)
WOW. IT'S BEEN A REAL JOY TO HAVE HER BACK IN THE OFFICE.
IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP? YEAH, YOU CAN GET ME
ONE OF THOSE ELECTRIC DOG FENCES FOR THE DOORWAY--
SOMETHING THAT WILL SHOCK WILHELMINA
EVERY TIME SHE COMES IN. DANIEL, I DON'T THINK THAT WOULD EVEN WORK ON HER.
BUT IT MIGHT WORK IN MY BUILDING.
AFTER CAREFUL THOUGHT,
I'VE DECIDED TO USE THE CLASSIC "PARENT TRAP" TECHNIQUE
WITH DANIEL AND WILHELMINA. UH, GREAT. FINE WHATEVER.
LISTEN, REMEMBER YESTERDAY WHEN YOU BORROWED MY LAPTOP,
AND BEFORE YOU LEFT YOU PUT IT INTO YOUR SILVER BAG?
THE ONE YOU SAID WAS HIDEOUS?
OR BRILLIANT.
YOU TOOK MY LAPTOP OUT OF THE BAG
BEFORE IT GOT STOLEN, RIGHT?
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,
PLEASE TELL ME THAT YOU DID. OKAY, I DID.
(laughs) OH! THANK GOD. WHERE IS IT?
WHAT? MY LAPTOP.
IS THIS A TRICK QUESTION?
OH, MY GOD! OH, GOD.
THIS IS A DISASTER. MY ENTIRE LIFE WAS ON THAT COMPUTER.
MARC, I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET,
BUT IT'S NOT LIKE "HOT GUYS OF THE ISRAELI ARMY"
CAN'T BE DOWNLOADED AGAIN. I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT "OY, THE BOYS."
THERE'S STUFF ON THAT COMPUTER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY FUTURE,
AND NOW IT IS GONE... (inhales deeply) FOREVER.
I'M GOING TO BE SICK.
OKAY, MARC, DON'T WORRY. I GOT YOU COVERED.
THIS WILHELMINA AND DANIEL THING IS IN THE BAG.
(inhales deeply)
(scoffs) I'M SORRY. I...
AY, JUSTIN!
I WANNA BE SUPPORTIVE, BUT THE PACING HAS TO STOP.
OKAY, I'LL JUST GO UPSTAIRS.
HEY, I GOT US SOME SCARY MOVIES.
THE LADY AT THE RENTAL PLACE SAID THEY WERE "CAMPY FUN."
I CAN'T, GRANDPA. NO ONE LIKES CAMPY FUN AS MUCH AS I DO,
BUT I'M A LITTLE WOUND UP RIGHT NOW. (sighs)
MAYBE I'LL FEEL BETTER
AFTER MY RUN-THROUGH AT THE AUDITION SPACE TONIGHT.
NEED A RIDE? I COULD TAKE YOU.
BOBBY AND I ALREADY GOT IT COVERED.
FINE.
OKAY, THIS HAS TO STOP.
(sighs) WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU. THIS.
THE WAY YOU ACT EVERY TIME BOBBY'S NAME COMES UP.
COME ON, I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU COULD COME WITH ME
TO THE DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT ON THURSDAY... (water running)
SEE YOUR NEW GRANDKID.
(turns off water) IS HE GONNA BE THERE?
IF BY "HE" YOU MEAN BOBBY--
YEAH, THE FATHER OF MY CHILD IS GONNA BE THERE.
HE WANTS TO BE THERE EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
(sighs) YOU'RE DECEIVING YOURSELF, MIJA.
CAN'T YOU SEE THAT THIS BOBBY CHARACTER
IS NOT RELIABLE? YOU'RE WRONG.
BOBBY AND I ARE GONNA BE A FAMILY.
SO... YOU BETTER GET USED TO IT.
THANK YOU, EVERYONE, FOR COMING.
NOT AS BIG A TURNOUT AS I HOPED.
BUT ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR OF US--THAT'S NOT BAD, RIGHT?
OH, DON'T COUNT ME. I'M JUST GETTIN' MY MAIL.
OKAY.
SO... AFTER YESTERDAY'S UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT,
WHICH I FEEL PARTIALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR--
PARTIALLY? IT WAS YOUR FAULT.
OKAY, I MEAN, I DIDN'T ROB THE BUILDING MYSELF.
I MADE AN INNOCENT MISTAKE.
ANYWAY, I SPOKE TO OUR LANDLORD--MR. Z.--
AND ARRANGED FOR HIM TO INSTALL
AN ELECTRONIC LOCKING DEVICE ON OUR DOORS.
TA-DA!
SEE?
NOW NONE OF US WILL EVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT "LOST KEYS" AGAIN
BECAUSE WE'LL HAVE THE OPTION OF USING A PASS CODE,
WHICH I WILL NOW CHOOSE BASED ON YOUR THOUGHTFUL SUGGESTIONS.
THE NEW BUILDING PASS CODE
IS... "FART."
OKAY.
(laughs) I GUESS I'LL JUST PICK ANOTHER ONE.
(man) WHY? (woman) WHAT'S WRONG WITH "FART"?
FIRST YOU GET US ROBBED
AND NOW YOU WON'T EVEN TAKE OUR SUGGESTIONS?
FINE.
THE BUILDING HAS SPOKEN.
I WILL HAVE MR. Z. NOTIFY EVERYONE
THAT THE NEW BUILDING PASS CODE IS "FART."
OKAY, NOW...
FOR THE CUTTING OF THE RIBBON.
MARC!
YOU JUST RUINED MY RIBBON!
YEAH? WELL, YOU RUINED MY LIFE, SO... I GUESS WE'RE EVEN.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
MY LAPTOP WAS IN AMANDA'S SILVER BAG.
(inhales sharply)
OH, I'M SORRY.
I CAN CALL H.R. MAYBE INSURANCE WILL COVER IT.
REALLY? OH, WILL THEY ALSO COVER MY LOST SUBMISSION MATERIAL
FOR THE NEW SENIOR FASHION EDITOR'S JOB?
HUH?! WILL THEY?!
WOW. YOU WERE APPLYING FOR THAT?
THAT'S... AMBITIOUS.
YEAH, BETTY. NEWSFLASH--
YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH HOPES AND DREAMS.
SO, UH, MARC WENT HOME SICK, HUH?
MM-HMM. 'CAUSE HE HAS LOOKED PRETTY TIRED LATELY.
TOTALLY. SO IT LOOKS LIKE ALL YOU HAVE LEFT
IS YOUR 6:15 IN THE LOUNGE. OH, GREAT.
(gasps) OOPS. STRIKE THAT.
FORGET I EVER SAID ANYTHING OR SHE'LL KILL ME.
WHAT? WHO WILL KILL YOU? WILHELMINA.
I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU ABOUT THAT MEETING.
SHE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT WANTING TO TAKE IT ALONE.
SHE DID, DID SHE? YEAH.
WELL, I GUESS SHE'S IN FOR A VERY BIG SURPRISE.
(gasps)
MARC WENT HOME SICK?
HE'D NEVER HAVE THE NERVE TO DO THAT ON MY WATCH.
WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?
(gasps) OH! UH, MARC LEFT YOUR SCHEDULE WITH ME.
I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANNA GO OVER IT.
NO. NO?
UM, BECAUSE YOU DO HAVE AN APPOINTMENT--
GO.
BUT, UH, DON'T YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT
THE 6:15 MEETING THAT DAD-- I MEAN, DANIEL IS RUNNING?
DID YOU JUST REFER TO DANIEL AS "DAD"?
NO, MOM. (gasps) I MEAN, WILHEL-MOMMY.
I MEAN, DANIEL SET UP A MEETING
THAT HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT IN THE LOUNGE.
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF KINKY RELATIONSHIP
YOU AND DANIEL HAVE,
BUT "DADDY" IS NOT KEEPING ME FROM ANY MEETING.
(gasps)
I AM SO GETTING ANOTHER CHIMP OUT OF THIS.
(ringing doorbell) COME ON, MARC!
(singsongy) I'M NOT GONNA LEAVE TILL YOU OPEN THE DOOR!
UGH!
TALK FAST.
I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF ANGER EATING A 7-CHEESE LASAGNA.
I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE.
I THINK IT'S GREAT
THAT YOU'RE APPLYING FOR THE SENIOR EDITOR POSITION.
SO YOU DON'T THINK IT'S OUT OF MY LEAGUE?
I THINK IT'S A BIG STEP UP, BUT YOU'RE PERFECT FOR IT.
OF COURSE I AM. BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER.
WILHELMINA'S GONNA MAKE A DECISION BY TOMORROW.
SO ALL OF THE SUBMISSION MATERIALS
HAVE TO BE ON HER DESK BY TONIGHT.
AND THERE IS NO WAY THAT I CAN RECREATE EVERYTHING THAT I DID
BY MYSELF BY MIDNIGHT.
WHAT--WHAT--WHAT IF I HELPED YOU? (scoffs) FORGET IT, BETTY.
YEAH, LET ME DO THIS.
PLEASE. I WOULD FEEL SO AWFUL
IF YOU MISSED THIS OPPORTUNITY BECAUSE OF ME.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE?
PFFT. UGH. WELL...
CAN I HAVE A PIECE OF LASAGNA? NO.
I SHOULD'VE KNOWN YOU'D TRY AND PULL A STUNT LIKE THIS.
WELL, I'M NOT THE ONE BOOKING SECRET MEETINGS
AND TRYING TO GET AWAY WITH IT, AM I? YES, YOU ARE. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
(clears throat)
WAIT.
IF NEITHER OF US BOOKED THIS MEETING, WHO IS THIS?
I'M YOUR COUPLES COUNSELOR.
AND BY THE LOOKS OF IT, I HAVE MY WORK CUT OUT FOR ME.
COUPLES COUNSELOR? IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE?
WHO WOULD DO THIS?
OH, AS IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW, DADDY-O.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I'M LEAVING.
WELL, I'VE CLEARLY IDENTIFIED THE BETA DOG
IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. I HOPE FOR YOUR SAKE
YOU DIDN'T JUST USE THE WORDS "DOG" OR "BETA"
IN RELATION TO ME.
SORRY. I WAS MERELY REFERENCING A COMMON BEHAVIORAL PATTERN.
THE FIRST PERSON TO LEAVE A ROOM TENDS TO BE THE WEAKER ONE.
HUH.
IS THAT SO?
YES! UGH!
I FOUND MY FANCY PAPER. "MATT-LESS IN MANHATTAN"?
YOU'RE NOT SERIOUSLY THINKING OF USING THAT
AS A TITLE FOR SOMETHING, ARE YOU?
IT'S FOR MY BLOG. I FORGOT IT WAS UP ON THE SCREEN.
HOW DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS? YOU WANNA DICTATE WHILE I TYPE?
I DON'T KNOW. I HAD ALL THESE MOCK-UPS AND CUSTOMIZED LAYOUTS.
AND IT TOOK ME WEEKS TO MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS.
THIS IS NEVER GONNA BE AS GOOD. YES, IT WILL BE, MARC. YOU'RE GREAT.
I HAVE TO BE MORE THAN GREAT.
THIS IS A SENIOR POSITION. I HAVE TO WOW THEM. (knock on door)
OKAY, WELL, THEN WE'LL WOW THEM.
WE'VE GOT ALL NIGHT, AND NEITHER OF US HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO.
(groans)
HI. WE'RE HERE FOR YOUR PARTY.
OH. UM...
(lowers voice) I ASSUMED NO ONE WAS COMING
AFTER THE WHOLE BURGLARY THING.
WHAT? SO YOU DON'T WANT US HERE?
NO, I--YES, I-I DO.
I D--I DID. IT'S JUST...
THIS LAST-MINUTE PROJECT THING SORT OF CAME UP,
AND I'M A LITTLE-- WHAT'S GOING ON?
SHE'S CANCELING ON US. WHAT? NOW?
AFTER EVERYTHING SHE'S PUT US THROUGH? SHE OWES US. OH, YEAH.
(woman) MM-HMM. SEE, THIS IS WHY
YOU SHOULD NEVER GET TO KNOW YOUR NEIGHBORS. (indistinct conversations)
AND EVEN THOUGH I SPENT YEARS WORKING MY WAY TO THE TOP
WHILE DANIEL HERE HAD THE SAME JOB
HANDED TO HIM ON A SILVER PLATTER BY HIS FATHER,
I'VE ALWAYS TREATED HIM WITH RESPECT. OH, THAT IS SUCH BULL.
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN A BITCH TO ME,
ONLY NOW SHE'S BEING A SUPER BITCH. IT'S UNBELIEV--
YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH?
(voice breaks) IT'S THE NAME-CALLING
THAT HURTS THE MOST. OKAY, TIME-OUT.
SHE IS TOTALLY FAKING RIGHT NOW. THIS IS NOT HER.
AND P.S., SHE CALLS ME NAMES ALL THE TIME.
THIS MORNING, SHE CALLED ME AN EGG HEAD.
(normal voice) I WAS MERELY MAKING AN OBSERVATION.
CAN I HELP IT IF YOUR HEAD HAS A WEIRD ELLIPTICAL ARC TO IT?
DO YOU SEE THIS? SHE'S INSULTING ME,
ALL BECAUSE I WOULDN'T LET HER GET WAY WITH MARC. AS IF YOU COULD EVER KEEP ME FROM HAVING MY WAY!
OH, GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY! COME ON. (exhales deeply)
I GUESS WE'RE DONE HERE.
I'M SORRY TO HAVE WASTED YOUR TIME.
ON THE CONTRARY. THIS HAS BEEN VERY ENLIGHTENING.
AND I THINK I MAY HAVE PINPOINTED
THE SOURCE OF YOUR ISSUE.
(folder thuds)
SEXUAL TENSION.
UH... LOOK, I'M SORRY.
WILHELMINA IS THE LAST PERSON I WOULD EVER BE INTERESTED IN.
(chuckles) WELL, HER BODY LANGUAGE WOULD SUGGEST
THAT SHE JUST MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN YOU.
WAIT. HER WHAT SEEMED TO SUGGEST...
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.
THERE ARE MANY NONVERBAL SIGNALS
TO INDICATE DESIRE.
FOR EXAMPLE, WHEN SOMEONE STEPS INTO YOUR SPACE
AND REFUSES TO RELINQUISH IT,
OR IF THERE IS MIRRORING OF SPEECH OR MOVEMENT.
IN THE ANIMAL KINGDOM,
IT CAN BE AS SIMPLE AS A FEMALE PRESENTING HER BACKSIDE.
MY ADVICE--IF YOU WANT TO STOP THE HOSTILITY,
YOU'VE GOT TO FIND A WAY TO DIFFUSE THE SEXUAL TENSION.
(Marc) IT'S FINE, BETTY. JUST GET OVER TO YOUR PARTY. I WILL IN A MINUTE.
(Melanie Fiona's "Bang Bang" playing) OH! WHAT ABOUT THIS IMAGE? IT LOOKS KIND OF FLOW-Y.
OH, MY GOD! I JUST HAD A BRILLIANT IDEA! ♪ I DON'T GIVE A DAMN... ♪
(volume increases) (loudly) WHAT IF WE LAYER REAL MATERIAL OVER THE IMAGES
TO CREATE A-A KIND OF 3-DIMENSIONAL WORK OF ART?
YEAH, GO WITH THAT. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. OKAY. OKAY.
♪ I DON'T CARE IF YOU LIKE ME ♪
♪ I'LL WALK IT OUT ON 'EM ♪
SORRY! SORRY, EVERYBODY! I'M SORRY!
(turns down music) WE JUST HAVE TO TRY AND KEEP THE MUSIC LOW
FOR A LITTLE BIT LONGER. (man) SPOILSPORT.
(woman) THIS SUCKS. BETTY, I AM WORKING MY ASS OFF HERE.
PLEASE DON'T TAKE AWAY MY MUSIC. WE'LL BE LEFT WITH CONVERSATION,
AND THAT IS NOT GONNA WORK WITH THIS HOUSE OF TROLLS.
THAT HELPS. FRANK, YOU KNOW MRS. VARNER, RIGHT?
I MEAN, HAVE YOU TWO EVER SPOKEN?
YOU HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON.
YOU LIVE IN 2-C, AND SHE LIVES IN 3-C.
SO YOU'RE ABOVE ME? YEAH.
WHAT DO YOU WEAR, WOODEN SHOES? LISTEN, I CAN HEAR YOU PEE.
GREAT, WE'RE TALKING. I'LL BE BACK. NO, PLEASE DON'T GO, BETTY. DON'T GO. DON'T GO.
♪ NOTHING LIKE THE FEELING ♪
♪ OF THAT COLD, COLD METAL IN YOUR HAND ♪
♪ KNOW I SOUND PSYCHO ♪
♪ DADDY-O, YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO MY CHROME-PLATED BULLET ♪
♪ SHE SHINING ♪
BETTY. I GOTTA DROP THESE OFF. I'LL BE BACK IN TWO SECONDS.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO. I FINISHED.
WHAT? (gasps) WOW. THAT'S INCREDIBLE.
I KNOW, I'M A GENIUS. NOW I JUST HAVE TO GET IT
PACKED UP AND OVER THERE BEFORE THE DEADLINE.
GEE, I WONDER WHAT I'M GONNA PUT IT IN.
IF ONLY I HAD THAT BRILLIANT SKULL BAG...
ALL RIGHT, LET'S NOT LIVE IN THE PAST. JUST GO! GO!
AND GOOD LUCK. BETTY...
YOU KNOW THAT I'M NOT ONE TO GET ALL GUSHY...
(gasps) OH, THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE.
I'M RUNNING OUT OF BODY PARTS TO ENTERTAIN PEOPLE WITH.
(grunts) AH!
OW.
HEY, CAN WE TURN ON THE MUSIC YET?
I CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.
I CAN HOOK UP THE KARAOKE MACHINE!
WE'RE GONNA PARTY TONIGHT!
THAT'S RIGHT!
(yawning)
(grunts)
(exhales deeply)
WILHELMINA.
I DIDN'T, UH, REALIZE YOU WERE STILL HERE.
WELL, I AM.
CAN WE BE DONE WITH THE SMALL TALK NOW?
(Daniel thinking) WAIT. SHE JUST FOLDED HER ARMS.
IS SHE MIRRORING ME?
UGH. DAMN IT! WHAT IS THIS?
OH, MY GOD.
SHE'S PRESENTING.
WAS THAT GUY RIGHT?
(elevator bell dings) (sighs)
(horror movie sound effects)
(man screams)
(man shouts indistinctly) THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
(voice amplified) WHOO! ALL RIGHT!
LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!
(R.E.M.'s "It's The End Of The World" playing)
(off-key) ♪ THAT'S GREAT, IT STARTS WITH AN EARTHQUAKE ♪
♪ BIRDS AND SNAKES AN AEROPLANE ♪
♪ LENNY BRUCE IS NOT AFRAID ♪
♪ EYE OF A HURRICANE... ♪
IT'S SO HORRIBLE, BUT I CAN'T LOOK AWAY.
LIKE A MOTH TO A FLAME, BURNED BY DESIRE.
(sucking teeth)
(clicking teeth)
(thinking) SHE'S BARING HER TEETH.
SHE TOTALLY WANTS TO JUMP MY BONES.
♪ IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT ♪
♪ BUT I FEEL FINE ♪
(electricity powers down)
DID I BLOW A FUSE?
(elevator clatters)
(whimpering)
NO, NO!
(electricity crackles) AAH! AAH! AAH!
(electricity powering down)
I THINK YOU BLEW MORE THAN A FUSE.
(siren wailing in distance)
OH, MY GOD.
BETTY'S VOICE BROUGHT DARKNESS TO THE LAND.
(electricity crackles and powers down)
(Betty) OOH! IS THAT YOU, AMANDA? (Amanda) SORRY, I THOUGHT THAT WAS MY BUTT.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S COOL ABOUT BLACKOUTS?
THEY SORT OF BRING EVERYONE TOGETHER.
WAIT. WHERE'S EVERYONE GOING?
OH, UH, ME AND A BUNCH OF NEIGHBORS
ARE THROWING A BLACKOUT PARTY.
YOU DON'T MIND IF I TAKE THOSE, DO YOU? WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GUYS JUST STAY HERE?
NO OFFENSE, BETTY, BUT YOUR PLACE IS REALLY DARK. IT'S A BLACKOUT. IT'S DARK EVERYWHERE.
YEAH, OKAY.
OUTTA MY WAY, YOU FREAKS. I CAN'T GET OUT.
YEAH, WELL, APPARENTLY, NONE OF US CAN
BECAUSE MR. FREMONT JUST SAID WE'RE TRAPPED IN THE BUILDING.
(gasps) OH, MY GOD. THE DOOR.
(door rattling)
(sirens wailing in distance)
OH! OW!
WHY, BETTY?
WHY TODAY OF ALL DAYS DID YOU HAVE TO HAVE
AN ELECTRICAL LOCK INSTALLED ON OUR FRONT DOOR? (sighs)
I'M SORRY.
I HAD NO IDEA SOMETHING LIKE THIS COULD HAPPEN.
IT'S LIKE I'M DESTINED FOR FAILURE.
(sighs) I JUST HAVE TO ACCEPT THE FACT
THAT I'M GONNA BE AN ASSISTANT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
OH, COME ON, MARC. DON'T TALK LIKE THAT. (sighs)
LOOK... (grunts) WILHELMINA HAS TO MAKE A CONCESSION.
IT'S A BLACKOUT!
NO, SHE DOESN'T.
SHE LOVES WORKING DURING NATURAL DISASTERS.
SHE'S PROBABLY THERE
GOING THROUGH SUBMISSIONS RIGHT NOW.
REMEMBER THE BLIZZARD OF 2003?
SHE CLOSED AN ENTIRE ISSUE BY HERSELF.
WOW.
YEAH.
(gasps) WE COULD TAKE THE FIRE ESCAPE.
IT'S PITCH-BLACK OUT THERE, BETTY,
AND EVERYTHING'S COVERED IN ICE.
I WILL SLIP. I WILL BREAK SOMETHING.
I HAVE THE BONES OF A SPARROW. (sighs) OH, FORGET IT.
(grunts) OH, IT'S NO USE.
WELL, I THINK IF WE PUT OUR MINDS TOGETHER,
WE COULD COME UP WITH A SOLUTION. JUST GIVE IT UP, BETTY.
YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH.
(utensils clatter)
(door creaks open and closed)
(doorknob rattling)
(pounding on door)
(clanging) OH! OH! OH! OW!
(Ignacio shouts indistinctly) (moans)
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! WHOA! WHOA!
HEY! HEY, HEY!
HEY! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!
(panting)
(groaning) REALLY?
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
(receiver clatters)
APPARENTLY, THERE IS A CITYWIDE BLACKOUT. (sighs)
THE MAINTENANCE GUY SAID, UH,
WE MAY BE HERE A WHILE, SO...
I GUESS WE SHOULD JUST SIT TIGHT, HUH?
(groans)
ONLY YOU WOULD CONSIDER "SITTING TIGHT" A PLAN.
A REAL MAN WOULD FIND US A WAY TO GET OUT OF THIS DAMN THING.
HEY. (sighs)
I AM A REAL MAN, OKAY?
(scoffs) PLEASE.
I'M MORE OF A MAN THAN YOU'LL EVER BE.
OH, YEAH?
YEAH.
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
THAT WAS ME
TRYING TO DIFFUSE THE SEXUAL TENSION
BETWEEN US. THE WHAT?
OH, COME ON, WILLIE.
WE BOTH KNOW THE REASON YOU'RE SO HOSTILE WITH ME
IS THAT YOU SECRETLY WANT ME.
NOW THAT THAT'S OUT ON THE TABLE,
MAYBE YOU AND I CAN HANDLE THIS LIKE TWO ADULTS.
(thud)
(sighs) HEY, CAN I PUT MY HEAD DOWN YET?
NO. I TOLD YOU, YOU HAVE TO WAIT TEN MINUTES.
THE WAY YOU'RE ACTING,
YOU'D THINK THAT I WAS THE ONE THAT ATTACKED YOU.
YEAH? I HAD EVERY RIGHT TO ATTACK YOU.
I WAS PROTECTING MY HOME FROM AN INTRUDER. INTRUDER? COME ON. I WASN'T INTRUDING.
I WAS COMING TO CHECK ON JUSTIN AND HILDA,
MAKE SURE THEY WERE ALL RIGHT DURING THE BLACKOUT. OH, YEAH?
AND WHY WEREN'T YOU WITH THEM? HILDA SAID YOU WERE
GOING TOGETHER TO TAKE JUSTIN FOR HIS WALK-THROUGH. I GOT STUCK AT WORK.
OH. I DIDN'T KNOW BEING A THUG REQUIRED SUCH DEDICATED HOURS.
HEY, COME ON, MAN. IT'S SO HARD TO BELIEVE
THAT I'M NOT THE SAME PERSON I WAS AT 17?
I LOVE YOUR DAUGHTER.
I PLAN ON BEING AROUND FOR HER AND THE NEW BABY
AND JUSTIN, TOO.
PLEASE.
YOU MAY HAVE MY DAUGHTER AND GRANDSON FOOLED
WITH THIS, UH, GOOD-GUY ROUTINE,
BUT YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ME.
NOT FOR NOTHING, YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK, MR. SUAREZ?
I THINK THAT YOU'RE SECRETLY WORRIED THAT I AM A GOOD GUY,
BECAUSE IF THAT'S THE CASE,
THEN THEY WON'T DEPEND ON ONLY YOU ANYMORE,
AND YOU CAN'T HANDLE THAT.
EXCUSE ME. I'M GONNA GO WAIT IN THE OTHER ROOM.
(sighs)
HERE. YOU HAVE SOME BLOOD.
I'D OFFER TO DAB IT FOR YOU,
BUT I'M AFRAID YOU'D START LICKING MY FINGERS.
OKAY, YOU MADE YOUR POINT.
I MISREAD THE SIGNS.
BUT IF IT'S NOT SEXUAL TENSION,
THEN WHY THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN SO MEAN TO ME LATELY?
IT CAN'T JUST BE ABOUT MARC. ACTUALLY, IT IS.
AS HARD AS IT IS FOR ME TO ADMIT,
MARC IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MAN IN MY LIFE.
OH, COME ON. IS THAT THE SAME LOAD OF CRAP
YOU WERE TRYING TO SELL THE COUPLES' COUNSELOR? (sighs) LOOK.
I KNOW MARC MIGHT NOT WALK LIKE A MAN OR TALK LIKE A MAN
AND HIS FEATURES ARE VAGUELY LESBIAN,
BUT THE TRUTH IS, HE'S BEEN MY ONE CONSTANT OVER THE YEARS.
IF I WERE ON MY DEATHBED,
HE'D BE THE PERSON I'D CALL.
CLEARLY, WE CAN'T KEEP PULLING MARC
BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN US.
IT'S NOT FAIR TO US OR HIM.
WE HAVE TO FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.
(sighs) FINE.
I'LL DO ANYTHING AS LONG AS YOU DON'T TOUCH ME AGAIN.
SO, MARC...
I TOOK ANOTHER LOOK AT THE FIRE ESCAPE,
AND IT REALLY DOESN'T LOOK SO BAD.
I HAVE A TON OF SALT IN MY APARTMENT.
(Marc) AND IN YOUR DIET.
LOOK, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE ANGRY,
BUT I THINK IT WOULD BE HELPFUL
IF WE JUST TRIED TO BE IN THE SOLUTION.
(cell phone rings)
(beeps)
DAD? MIJA, THANK GOD YOU ANSWERED.
I JUST GOT A TEXT FROM YOUR SISTER. SHE AND JUSTIN ARE FINE.
How are you? I'M FINE. IT'S JUST, WE HAVE TO GET OUT
OF THE BUILDING, AND THE STUPID ELECTRIC DOOR WON'T OPEN.
SWEETIE, WH-WH-WH-WHAT CAN I DO? Nothing.
UNLESS YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN PICK A LOCK.
OKAY, CHIPMUNK... (chuckles)
You got a-a-a red wire, a yellow wire and a green wire.
ALL RIGHT, MOVE 'EM ALL TO THE LEFT. Okay.
I'M GONNA TRY AND BE REALLY CAREFUL AND NOT LET THEM TOUCH,
BUT MY HANDS ARE A LITTLE SHAKY, THOUGH.
SWEETIE, THIS ISN'T "MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE," OKAY?
THERE'S NO ELECTRICITY.
(whispers) RIGHT. I just want you to be able to see the cylinder.
(tools clicking) I SEE IT!
Good. Now go ahead and stick the screwdriver in the cylinder
AND TURN IT CLOCKWISE
till you hear a little click. (click)
(gasps) OH! (chuckles)
All right. Now you're gonna go counterclockwise
UNTIL THE DEAD BOLT SLIDES OPEN.
(clicking) AAH!
THAT'S IT. IT WORKED! IT WORKS!
OF COURSE IT DID.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, I'M AN AMATEUR?
I'M NOT A PROFESSIONAL, NEITHER. MM-HMM.
OH, BOBBY, I OWE YOU SO BIG. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE?
(door closes) BECAUSE SOMETIMES AT WORK WE GET FREE SAMP--I GOTTA GO! MARC!
I GOTTA SAY, I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT YOU BROKE US OUT OF OUR OWN APARTMENT BUILDING.
IT WAS BOLD, SUAREZ,
EVEN FOR SOMEONE WHO SOMETIMES WEARS SOCKS WITH HEELS.
I JUST HOPE THE NEIGHBORS AREN'T TOO MAD AT ME.
I REALLY FELT LIKE I WAS MAKING PROGRESS WITH THEM TONIGHT,
UNTIL THEY ALL LEFT TO GO TO AMANDA'S PARTY. WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT THEY THINK?
I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE CONNECTIONS WITH PEOPLE.
I'VE HAD A REALLY HARD YEAR, YOU KNOW?
MY BEST FRIEND LEFT TO SCOTLAND, MATT LEFT,
AND I MOVED AWAY FROM MY FAMILY.
SOMETIMES, I FEEL LIKE I GET HOME
AND I COULD CLOSE THE DOOR AND DIE,
AND NO ONE WOULD KNOW UNTIL THEY SMELLED MY ROTTING CORPSE. (siren wailing in distance)
UGH.
I GUESS YOU NEVER FEEL LONELY, HUH?
NO. MY LIFE IS WAY TOO FABULOUS.
(gasps)
IS THAT MEADE?
IT LOOKS SO WEIRD ALL DARK.
(whispers) OH, MY GOD.
(normal voice) HOW COULD WE BE SO STUPID?
MEADE IS, LIKE, ELECTRIC EVERYTHING!
WE'RE NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO GET IN.
ONCE AGAIN, LIFE HAS POOPED ON THE HEAD OF MARC ST. JAMES.
THIS--I'VE HAD IT.
WAIT! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
WE JUST MADE IT ALL THE WAY HERE! NO, NO! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!
THE ONLY REASON THAT I TRIED TO REACH ABOVE MY MEANS
IS BECAUSE OF YOU, BECAUSE I THOUGHT,
"WHAT WOULD BETTY DO IF SHE WERE IN MY POSITION?"
SHE'D BE ALL LIKE...
(high pitched) "OH, REACH FOR THE STARS
AND UNICORNS AND LOLLIPOPS AND SUNFLOWERS!"
(normal voice) SO WHY CAN'T I?
WELL... (chuckles) LOOK AT ME! THIS IS WHY!
(sighs)
I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR SUNNY OPTIMISM.
YEAH?! WELL, I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR NEGATIVITY!
ALL YOU EVER DO IS COMPLAIN. "I'M MARC ST. JAMES.
"EVERYTHING BAD HAPPENS TO ME!
"I NEVER GET WHAT I WANT!
I AM ALWAYS THE BUN!"
HAVE YOU EVER TRIED, JUST ONCE,
TO THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS?
OH, PLEASE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, CLAP IF I BELIEVE IN FAIRIES?
YEAH, I WANT YOU TO CLAP! FINE!
I BELIEVE IN FAIRIES, BETTY! WE BELIEVE!
COME ON OUT! DON'T FORGET YOUR FAIRY DUST!
THAT'S GOOD! THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU'RE WELCOME. EXCELLENT. (gasps)
(screaming and laughing) (screaming and laughing) OH, MY GOD! OH, OH!
OH! OH, GREAT, GREAT!
COME ON, THEN. YAY!
COME ON!
(sniffles and sighs) HERE YOU GO, BOBBY.
(scoffs) IT'S NOT POISON, I PROMISE. IT'S SCOTCH.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT. THANKS.
THANK YOU FOR HELPING BETTY.
AH.
UH, LISTEN, UH...
I'M SORRY I BLEW UP AT YOU BEFORE, YOU KNOW?
I, UH, I WAS TALKING OUT OF MY ASS.
I DIDN'T MEAN ANY OF IT. YES, YOU DID.
AND YOU WERE RIGHT.
(chuckles) I WAS?
WELL, PARTIALLY.
I'M NOT TOTALLY CONVINCED THAT YOU'RE NOT STILL A THUG.
BUT THESE LAST FEW WEEKS,
I'VE SEEN HOW GREAT YOU'VE BEEN WITH HILDA AND JUSTIN.
AND, UM...
IT WAS HARD TO SEE MYSELF REPLACED.
I GUESS I, UH, GOT A LITTLE JEALOUS.
(laughs) WHAT, OF ME?
MM, YEAH.
GET OUTTA HERE. IT'S...
I COULD NEVER TAKE YOUR PLACE. I KNOW.
(both laughing)
(electricity hums)
WHOA. WOW.
I REALLY MESSED YOU UP, DIDN'T I?
I'M JUST GONNA BE TWO SECONDS.
I WANT TO GRAB SOMETHING HERE FROM MY DESK.
I'M SORRY, MARC.
WELL, WE TRIED.
(horror movie sound effects)
OH! (laughing) DID YOU SEE HER HEAD?!
OH, MAN! IT ROLLED RIGHT OFF. DISGUSTING!
HEY, YOU'RE BACK! HEY! (clears throat) HOW WAS THE WALK-THROUGH?
(sighs) WE NEVER MADE IT.
WE WERE STUCK IN THE SUBWAY ALL NIGHT.
WAIT. YOU--YOU TEXTED ME YOU WERE FINE. YEAH, WELL, I'M NOT STUPID.
IT WAS PITCH-BLACK AND TERRIFYING.
SHOULD I HAVE TEXTED YOU THAT? (laughs)
I LEARNED TODAY THAT MOM IS NOT GOOD
IN HIGH-PRESSURE SITUATIONS,
SO SHE'S NOT COMING TO MY AUDITION TOMORROW.
WELL?
BABY! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?
YOUR FATHER ATTACKED ME WITH A PIE PAN.
HEY, YOU GOT OFF EASY.
YOU'RE LUCKY I DIDN'T USE MY STEEL CASSEROLE DISH. POW! (laughing)
(Ignacio and Bobby laughing)
OKAY, WAIT. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. I AM SO CONFUSED.
LET--LET ME CLEAR SOMETHING UP.
UM, I'VE BEEN A STUBBORN OLD MAN,
AND I-I-I'M SORRY FOR THE WAY I'VE BEEN ACTING.
ANYWAY...
IF THAT OFFER'S STILL GOOD
FOR ME TO SEE MY GRANDKID TOMORROW, I...
I'D LIKE TO GO--
THAT IS, IF BOBBY DOESN'T MIND.
I'D LIKE THAT. (Ignacio) ALL RIGHT.
I'D LIKE THAT A LOT. (Ignacio and Bobby chuckle)
(Bobby) ALL RIGHT. OKAY. (chuckles)
(Marc) GOOD MORNING, WILLIE.
UH, I GOT THAT STUFF YOU WANTED.
WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO PUT IT? (clears throat)
NEXT TO ME IS FINE.
(Marc) SO DID YOU AND DANIEL DECIDE
WHICH OF YOU I'D BE WORKING FOR YET?
YES. YOU'LL BE WORKING FOR ME...
AS MY NEWEST FASHION EDITOR.
GREAT. I'M GLAD THAT YOU G--
WAIT. DID YOU JUST SAY...
CONGRATULATIONS.
SO YOU HAD ME ORDER
CHAMPAGNE AND FLOWERS FOR ME?
WELL, YOU DIDN'T HONESTLY THINK I'D DO IT MYSELF, DID YOU?
OF COURSE NOT.
(chuckles) SO I'M THE NEW SENIOR FASHION EDITOR?
(laughs) YOU'RE KIDDING. YOU'RE NOT QUALIFIED FOR THAT JOB.
I DECIDED I DIDN'T NEED ONE.
I'M GONNA USE THE MONEY FOR OUR NEW JUNIOR FASHION EDITOR. (clink)
(chuckles)
WILLIE, IS THIS PROMOTION
JUST SO YOU COULD KEEP DANIEL FROM WINNING ME?
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
YOU THINK I'D GIVE YOU A PROMOTION
IF YOU DIDN'T DESERVE IT?
WILLIE, THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I'M NOT THE EMOTIONAL TYPE. RIGHT.
BUT, UH, YOU CAN WRITE YOURSELF A NICE NOTE FROM ME.
(chuckles) MM.
(clink) (chuckles)
THANK YOU. (folder thuds)
OH. OH! EXCUSE ME.
(Betty) SORRY. I'VE NEVER HAD SO MANY PEOPLE CRAMMED IN HERE AT ONE TIME.
WELL, WE'RE A TIGHT-KNIT FAMILY. I CAN SEE THAT.
YEAH, THAT'S HOW WE DO IT. (chuckles)
HEY. WOW, LOOK AT THAT. (gasps)
HEY. HEY, THAT LITTLE DOT, THAT--THAT'S HIM?
OR HER.
YEAH, OR HER.
(types)
IS SOMETHING WRONG?
I'M NOT SEEING A HEARTBEAT.
ARE YOU SURE?
I'M VERY SORRY.
HEY.
CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?
NO.
I'M JUST THINKING.
I'D FINALLY GOT MY HEAD AROUND THIS BABY AND...
HOW IT WAS GONNA FIT INTO OUR LITTLE FAMILY.
AND NOW WE WON'T EVEN BE ONE.
HEY.
LISTEN TO ME. BABY OR NO BABY,
WE'RE GONNA BE A FAMILY.
ALL RIGHT? I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
OKAY?
WE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT SOMETHING.
TEA AND COOKIES. (Justin) WHOO!
OH, MY GOD! I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH LENA KORVINKA.
SHE LOVED MY AUDITION
AND WANTS TO FORMALLY INVITE ME TO JOIN HER CLASS. AAH!
WHOO! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!
(Betty) CONGRATULATIONS! THAT'S GREAT! HEY!
OH, MY GOD! OH, HONEY. I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.
CONGRATULATIONS.
HEY.
I WAS IN THE HALLWAY
AND I THOUGHT I SMELLED SOMETHING,
SO I JUST CAME OVER TO MAKE SURE YOU WEREN'T DEAD.
NOPE. STILL HERE.
(newspaper thuds)
OH, HEY, I HEARD ABOUT YOUR PROMOTION.
CONGRATULATIONS.
YEAH. IT'S PRETTY CRAZY, RIGHT? (clears throat)
NO, I DON'T THINK THAT'S CRAZY.
UH, ANYWAY, AMANDA'S NOT HERE AND, UH,
I WAS JUST HANGING OUT BY MYSELF OVER THERE.
SO I WAS THINKING MAYBE IF YOU WANTED TO,
WE COULD WATCH TV AND MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE'S CLOTHES.
YOU MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING.
I MEAN, IF YOU WANT TO. WE DON'T HAVE TO.
NO, NO! THAT WOULD BE FUN.
OKAY.
(man singing indistinctly)
ARE YOU HUNGRY? I HAVE SOME LEFTOVER PASTA.
NO.
NO?
NO. I HATE PASTA. (speaks indistinctly)
♪ COME AWAY ♪
♪♪♪
(both speaking indistinctly)
♪♪♪